there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
