we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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