I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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