wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
