Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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