honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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