and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
