I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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