I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
