I must be too annoying 4 u.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
