My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
