What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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