she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
