i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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