id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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