her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
