I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
