We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
