just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
