Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
