I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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