i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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