so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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