Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
