so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
