You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
