You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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