I'm jealous of your bromance
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
