Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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