Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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