Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
