i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
