As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
