rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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