Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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