the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
