That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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