batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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