I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
