You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
