you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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