thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
