Your tits are I can't wait for
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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