i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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