i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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