So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
