He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
