I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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