Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
