My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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