By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize