I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
