I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
