I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
