false alarm. still invincible.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
