is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
