You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Someone shattered a urinal.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
