So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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