Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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