i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
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he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
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How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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