They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
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