Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
