If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
