So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
