My room smells like vodka and shame
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize