The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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