i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
