Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
