I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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