i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize