She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
