i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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