we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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