I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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