I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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