I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
