I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What a dumb baby whore.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
